The Impact of California’s Culture of Flakiness
Does flakiness bug you too?
Lately I’ve been thinking about flakiness. As in, people’s propensity to be flaky.
In 2000 I first moved to California from Texas, and one of the cultural nuances I had to get used to was a tendency for people to make plans and then flake out, either notifying me last-minute they wouldn’t be showing up, or just not showing up at all.
I grew up in a place where the culture was, if you said you were going to do something, you did it. Maybe it was because where I grew up, not a single person I knew didn’t attend church. Church people, as a rule, are not flaky. (By the way, I’m not a religious sort, so let’s not go down that path…) I think it goes back to the days of barn-raising and helping the neighbors. That kind of stuff.
But I don’t think there was much barn-raising in California. At least, it doesn’t feel like it.
It took me quite some time to get used to the random not showing up or late canceling of plans. In most places, it is completely normal human nature to take that shit personally. And as a trauma survivor, I would double down. Not only would I take it personally, but I’d look at myself and think, “What’s wrong with me? Don’t they like me?”
A Book I Recommend
Recently I relaunched my website, and one of the things I love about the new design is that I am including books and resources I recommend for those of us on the healing journey.
I’ve included in my recommendations a book by Matt Haig, who actually wrote one of my favorite books of all time, The Midnight Library. Before he got famous for writing The Midnight Library, he wrote his memoir about battling depression. It’s call Reasons to Stay Alive.
A fairly easy and quick read, the book is packed with concrete reasons life is worth living, and I’ve found it so helpful as I’ve battled depression. If you’re familiar with my guide, Five Ways to Banish Negative Thoughts, you know that I’m always looking for ways to turn destructive thinking around, and Matt Haig’s memoir is a perfect example of that. I highly recommend it.
And Now For Some Fun
California's Central Valley is considered the agricultural center of the world and has a vastly different culture than Southern or Northern California. We keep our commitments. And yes, we have barns in the Valley.